Lesson 1: Understanding Omega Sixes

The cramps are probably the meanest-sounding thing my body says to me. Why????
My cramps are so bad I usually miss work and school, but that doesn't make them any better.
My cramps are so bad I used to try to drink until I'd pass out so I wouldn't have to deal with them.
My cramps are so bad that I once took 20 ibuprofen in a 12 hour period of time. (a very stupid thing to do)
My cramps are so bad my doctor prescribed me vicodin for the pain.
My cramps are so bad that vicodin doesn't work on them!!!
My cramps are so bad they made me curse in a church

My doctor so stupid that he actually said that my cramps were normal. (says the person without a uterus)
Ok, complaining session over. Now how to fix this problem?
Well, what causes it?

prostaglandins are the chemicals that cause uterine muscle contractions.
Type 2 are the kind that cause the painful ones
They can make the uterus contract so strongly that it actually cuts of oxygen to it, which makes it hurt a lot!
It may be contracting so hard because I have a small cervical opening because I haven't had babies, so it has to
push really hard to pass all the junk.
Ibuprofen is a prostaglandin inhibitor, but you have to take it the week before your period, because that's when prostaglandins build up in your uterine lining to jump out and torture you when you do start your period.
Series 2 prostaglandin is derived from arachidonic acid (which can be ingested directly from meat) , and Linolenic acid
So I could be ingesting too much sixes. What foods do they come from?
Asking that question opened up a new can of worms.
Sixes come primarily from processed vegetable oils (which are bad!), meat, eggs, and flax, borage oil, and evening primrose oil
This is completely weird! In my previous research, I found that evening primrose oil might actually be beneficial in treating my cramps!!
This new research indicates that EPO helps the body make MORE series 2 prostaglandin which causes more cramps?? wtf?
Actually, it doesn't!
Flax, borage and EPO are Gamma Linolenic Acids (good Omega sixes!)
GLA may actually reduce inflammation
Linolenic Acid and Arachidonic Acid are the bad guys. They promote inflammation and S2 prostaglandin production.
Unfortunately, GLA oils still contain some straight up LA as well, but it's better if it's from a natural source like organic
EPO than processed cooking oil.

Much of the GLA taken from the oils mentioned or as a supplement is not converted to AA, but rather to DGLA. DGLA competes with AA and prevents the negative inflammatory effects that AA would otherwise cause in the body. Having adequate amounts of certain nutrients in the body (including magnesium, zinc, and vitamins C, B3, and B6) helps to promote the conversion of GLA to DGLA rather than AA

Most people have way too much Omega 6 in their diets, especially compared to Omega 3s, which they don't have enough of.
So it seems like I should
1. Reduce my intake of Omega sixes from Linolenic Acid aka, cooking oils
2. Reduce my intake of Arachidonic Acid from meat and eggs
3. Increase my intake of Gamma Linolenic Acid to make more LA get converted to DGLA rather than AA in my body

So far:
Problem: Cramps
Causes:
1. Excessive series 2 prostaglandin production
possible cause: excessive consumption of linolenic acid and arachidonic acid.

I'm not hard of hearing , I just don't speak your language!!

Me and my body don't speak the same language. My body seems to think that if it repeats the same message over and over, just louder, I'll eventually figure out what the crap it's trying to say. I don't know what the meanings are behind the words, but here is the hostile message that my body has been looping at increasing volume at me for the last few years:

1. Horrible, debilitating menstrual cramps.
2. Really short menstrual periods.
3. Acne. (started at puberty, but now I'm a grownup and it's just as bad)
4. Digestive problems (food sensitivities, bloating, constipation, gas and straight up pain)
5. Bad breath
6. Poor circulation/cold sensitivity
7. Mental/emotional instability/volatility
8. having to work really hard to not get overweight
9. very painful cold sores

Ok body. I hear you! I'm tired of you repeating yourself. I've tried going to a translator (doctor) but that didn't help in the long run. I'm going to learn the damn language myself!
I want to figure out what is wrong with me so I can fix it.